Success-Failure Project

• Debilitating procrastination. If we define success and failure narrowly, we can be desperate to avoid making mistakes. This avoidance  can turn us into severe procrastinators who worry about failure to the point where we jeopardize academic and professional goals.
• Focusing on catastrophic outcomes. Bad outcomes are sometimes a reality, and it’s natural to be distracted by that possibility at times. But frequently worrying about the worst possible outcomes can take enormous amounts of attention and can sap energy from creative, fulfilling tasks.
• Severe self-criticism. If we see failure as inexcusable, there’s no room for error or for being in a process of learning. So mistakes and failures leave us feeling deeply guilty or ashamed, and we may punish ourselves when they (inevitably) happen.
• Withholding our work and ideas from others. When we think people who matter a great deal to us have rigid views of success and failure, we naturally want them to see us only at our best. That can lead us to refrain from sharing our work until we believe we have something impressive to share, sometimes setting impossible standards for ourselves.
• Perfectionism. If we are perpetually disappointed in our performance, if we can’t bear to fail, or if we feel we must succeed at everything right away, this means we have unreasonable goals; we’re perfectionistic.
• Being crushed by setbacks. It’s only human to be disappointed, confused, or angry about a serious setback. But by holding onto a definition of success that punishes failures and creates a feeling of shame, we can become deeply wounded when we commit an error, and it can take a long time to recover.
• Repeatedly starting over on a project. Sometimes, starting over is the only thing to do. But, if we do it often, it can be a sign of an all-or-nothing view of success and failure. A rocky start seems like a failure because we’ve defined success and failure so rigidly that we’ve created a barrier to work.

So, you’re saying FAILURE is good?

It’s neither good nor bad, but it is inevitable. When we’re learning or trying something new, we can assume we will make mistakes or fail at some point. If we allow ourselves to feel the difficult emotions that may accompany our setbacks — sadness, confusion, disappointment, frustration, or others — while also framing the failure as part of a learning process, we can reap huge benefits.

What about my family’s and my friends’ definitions of SUCCESS?

The main characters in our lives often play big roles in how we define success and failure. Sometimes they’re supportive of our efforts to re-examine these ideas. When they are, the relationship often deepens. But it can also can be challenging to have these conversations when people have strong opinions. The Bureau of Study Counsel staff welcomes this kind of exploration.

Won’t I lose motivation if I’m not afraid of failing?

If fear of failing has been your main motivator, it might take a while before you can find other ways to engage. However, fear of failing is only one possible source of motivation, and you may find sources that better tap your curiosity and actually bring joy. It may be helpful to talk with someone as you explore this, and the Bureau of Study Counsel is one place where conversations like this are always welcome.

Can I explore SUCCESS and FAILURE before I talk with someone or attend an event?

Yes! Our website has many materials including faculty stories of rejection, how views of success and failure change over time, alumni reflecting on success and failure, and first-generation students sharing their perspective.